dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
