I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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