my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
