I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
