you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize