CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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