I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
