allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
