I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
