It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Two words: blizzard sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
