Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My vagina just clenched in fear
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
