Pants 0. Shit 1.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
