I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
