Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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