well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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