There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This is not my ceiling
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
