Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
