i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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