cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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