My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
