i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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