When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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