I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
