If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
