Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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