I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Couch. On fire.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
