using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
