1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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