WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
