Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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