We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
