We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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