she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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