well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
