You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
