Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
