I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
