I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
