just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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