fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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