the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
