he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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