Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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