Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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