just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
