a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
