you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Less talking, more tequila
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
