how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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