Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did I show you my penis last night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
