Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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