I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My penis needs a shock collar
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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