I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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