no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
