I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize