Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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