Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
