I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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