You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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