somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Come on in and take your pants off
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