the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
