he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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