i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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