His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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